Does the sign on my forehead say "IDIOTS LINE UP HERE?"
At home this afternoon--
Neighbor stupidity: “Is my trailer blocking your driveway? Did you want to park now?” (see previous entry for more trailer information and irritation)
Me: “No, no. It’s just MY driveway. It’s fine! I’ll park a few blocks away.” (note the sarcasm in my voice as I continued to wait until he finally moved!)
At work--
Customer stupidity: “Is my order in yet?”
Me: “Not yet…remember three days ago when I said your order would be here in 7 to 10 business days?”
Checking the messages--
Answering Machine stupidity: (left earlier today, caller ID shows that this person has called 5 times in the last two days and left one message) “Hi, um, this is 5-S Communications, please call me back.”
Me: (I called back, curious as to why they keep calling and leaving weirdly anonymous messages) “Yes, you called me and left a message?”
5-S Communications(?): Oh, hi, do you have computer keyboards for sale?”
Me: “I’m sorry, who is this?”
5-S Communications: “Oh, I think I have the wrong number.”
Me: “Uh yeah. You may have noticed that our message says ‘Hi, you’ve reached Ensie and Frinklin, leave a message’, not ‘Random Computer Parts Store’. Please stop calling.”
At work, again—
Customer Stupidity: “Can I get the extra discount from the sale?”
Answer: “No, that sale actually ended 5 days ago.”
Customer (now irritated): “Yeah, I know, but can I still get the discount?”
Answer: “No.” (hello?)
Stupid customer approaches cash register—
Me: “Hi, I can help you here. Is that going to be all for you today?”
Customer (giving me the “duh” look: “Why would I have come to the cash register if I wasn’t ready to pay? Sheesh!” (He actually said “sheesh”)
I approach cash register at another retail outlet to pay for pajama pants ($10) ON MY BIRTHDAY—
Cashier: “I need to see your ID with your credit card.”
Me (showing driver’s license): “Okay, here you go.”
Cashier: “That’s not you!”
Me: “Uh, yes, it is. I had blue hair for several years. It’s grown out now.”
Cashier (grabbing wallet from my hand): “Are you sure?”
Me (grabbing wallet back): “Yes. I’m sure.”
Cashier (skeptically, the last part muttered under her breath): “Okaaaaay, if you say so.”
Did I mention that this occurred ON MY BIRTHDAY?? Is that even allowed?
This is just the tip of the iceberg. I have weird shit like this happen to me all the time. Do I have some strange magnetic field that makes people react stupidly around me? Or do I just unconsciously seek out the idiots in life? Only time will tell.
