both hands
because it takes both hands to do it right, baby

I'm OK, You're OK

April 11, 2004
God, I canít wait for the season premier of Six Feet Under.

But, until thenÖ

Iíve become aware that I am lacking a satisfactory label for myself. I know my husband is a ďnerdĒ, and The Jeffrey is a ďfreakĒ, but Iím torn when it comes to myself, and especially my sexuality. If I list enough adjectives and identifying traits can the great label-maker in the sky help me out?

I came across a post on DykeWrite.com titled What Makes A Lesbian?. I was curious to find out what makes a lesbian, as I usually identify myself as such, except for that whole married to a man thing. This particular post says that self-identity as a lesbian isnít enough, and that lesbians are really only lesbians when they serve the gay community politically. The author of the post notes that ďSolidarity is essential to the continuation of the lesbian community.Ē Hm. Well, I self-identify as a lesbian, and Iím still active in the gay community (as much as I ever was when I was dating women exclusively), and Iím married to a man. What does that make me?

Some facts about me:

∑ I dated women exclusively for 7+ years

∑ I have a rainbow sticker on one of my cars

∑ I love The L Word

∑ I subscribe to the Lesbian Connection

∑ I got to the local gay pride celebration every year

∑ I check out women with my husband (not in a threesome possibility way, but in a ďhey, she is hot!Ē way)

∑ My chosen life partner has a penis

Now, a lot of people would whip out their pointer-fingers and declare me a bisexual, or a hasbien (shudder), except that I donít feel like Iím bisexual, and I still find women attractive. Iíve always felt closer to women and connected best with women (well, to be fair, Iíve always connected well with gay men, too). At what time is my lesbian status revoked? Iíd really like to know. Itís starting to stress me out. Do I need to officially declare my change of status? Like when I change my last name at the DMV?

If you know what I am, and what I should refer to myself as, could you please let me know? Until that time, I will continue to identify myself as I always have. ďMe.Ē

Excuse me now; I have to go catch the season finale of The L Word. And heads up--Queer As Folk starts next week!

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