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Addiction is never pretty

May 22, 2004
I spend a lot of time writing about frivilous things that aren’t necessarily important to the world at large. And hey—it’s my blog, I paid for the Gold Membership (a good deal, by the way!), so I can use it as I see fit! But now, I feel it is my duty to address an issue that is effecting not just myself and my household, but others, as well. This issue facing us all—Caramel Hershey’s Kisses®.

If you have tried them, you know. Their power is overwhelming. No other Kiss ever had the power to make me eat a single bag in one sitting. Their little flags point directly at me, no longer reading “CARAMEL,” but instead “EAT ME!”

Even The Jeffrey could not resist their pull. After purchasing a new bag yesterday, I dropped it onto the kitchen counter while changing clothes. I left the room for approximately 14 seconds and when I returned, I saw the carnage: bag open, kisses strewn across the floor, The Jeffrey happily chewing. As I picked the foil from his teeth I reminded him that he is (contrary to his own belief) a dog, and that dogs MUST NOT EAT CHOCOLATE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, DO YOU UNDERSTAND? as it is poisonous and we lack the funds to pay for vet bills currently. Plus, this bag of Kisses was for Frinklin, and every Kiss that The Jeffrey ate was one I would not get to steal. Then again, I could blame it all on the dog, “I’m so sorry Honey, he ate them all! I was so mad. And these were all for you!” (you can see that honesty is the center-point of our marriage).

Instead, I collected the Kisses, eating just a few, and waited, panicky and Gollum-like, for Frinklin to arrive home from work. Eventually he did, and we feasted on a few Caramel Kisses together. I instructed him to hide the bag from me if he wished to eat any later. I covered my eyes, and the bag disappeared. But that didn’t mean I didn’t stop thinking about them.

And now, this morning, I type out my story with a guilty conscience and I think about how lucky I am to have a husband who is a crappy chocolate hider. As my fingers move, they gently brush against the empty gold and brown foil of many, many Kisses piled on my desk.

10:05 a.m. :: 1 comments so far ::
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