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Elect Ensie!

May 14, 2004
If you’ve never read The Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club by Laurie Notaro, you so should. This book made me laugh so hard I cried and I nearly peed my pants.

I would here and now like to make my bid for President of the San Diego Chapter of the Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club. I have lots and lots (and lots) of reasons why.

Example A:

Today I came home from work early and decided to wash and wax my truck. It hasn’t been washed for a month or so, and hasn’t been waxed since, uh, I bought it several years ago. I was feeling ambitious, and wanted to spend some time outside. You start to feel just a little claustrophobic everyday after sitting two feet from a lovely view of wall at your desk, y’know?

So, I speedily washed the car, rinsing several times, ‘cause it was 90 degrees out and the water kept drying in spots. Once clean (and in it’s full purple glory!), I began applying wax. About this time, I hear car brakes screeching. Looking up, I noticed that a neighbor from down the street was attempting to push start his (orange) truck. Feeling instantly bonded with this man over our unfortunately colored vehicles, I offer to help him push to get the truck going. He nods at me, and I grab onto the tailgate and begin pushing.

Before we go any further, please note that I was prepared for a hot day of car washing, appropriate attire included. I had on a T-shirt, cropped pants, and my husband’s old rubber flip-flops. Note the footwear, as this is a crucial detail of the story.

I started running, the truck started rolling, and I instantly realized it is a HUGE mistake to attempt to run in old rubber flip-flops at least 3 sizes too large for me. A few neighbors watched as I awkwardly flailed down the street. The same thought conveyed on each face, “Who is that girl valiantly training for the Special Olympics?”

It was just about that moment that I ate it, knees to the asphalt, and the truck’s engine shuddered to life. The guy didn’t even look back at me as he drove off to (presumably) purchase a new battery for that traitorous orange truck.

As I picked myself up off the ground I felt a stabbing pain on my left big toe and noted that I was now sporting some serious toe road-rash. I finished wiping the wax off my car and watched as my neighbors went back to their homes, shaking their heads with pity, or very possibly laughter. I couldn’t tell.

If I am elected San Diego Chapter President, I promise to continue to be a representative of the Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club at all times. Even when I don’t mean to.

Want to become a member of the Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club? Click the link on the left and get your own membership kit from Laurie Notaro herself!

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